Our Politics

Category: Satire

  • Satire on the Go: Big Don For Council

    Satire on the Go: Big Don For Council

    The story begins with a young lad of 20, who’s hand is a puppet dressed in a pirate hat and hook. His hand proclaims himself, the Big Don. The lad’s name is Danny. Danny’s hand wants to run for town council in Hazlet. Danny would begin his campaign by gathering papers on the statistics of his down and local corruption stories of incumbent Republicans. Danny began his campaign with a series of door knockings in his neighborhood. He would knock on the door and his hand would introduce them both. Danny is a solid 5 feet tall, a hand as a pirate politician and skipped around instead of walking. He came to the door wearing a suit and a pirate hand running for the council. He would yell at people who asked him too many questions and skip away yelling insults in Arabic and screams at people who come to close.

    https://www.pinterest.com/pin/198932508512694275/

  • Satire on the Go: Trump’s New Appointment

    Satire on the Go: Trump’s New Appointment

    President Trump has now appointed a new cabinet, member Bill Coal of Ann Arbor, Michigan. Bill Coal is a former sex offender who was caught molesting four children in front of the Oakland GOP offices where he was previously attempting to bolster support for a future run for governor. Bill Coal was key for Trump in Michigan, for not only rallying voters for Trump but also encouraging younger voters to erect Republicans. Coal will now head the nation’s federal Child Protection Agency, tasked with protecting over 30 million children from negligence, abuse, and rape. Coal said, “I am fully committed to making sure I lick the problems that affect those kids. To make sure their parents are kept busy with employment and to nail down a hard solution to our nation’s problems.”

    Coal has also been known to pay bribes, and an FCC court ruled he was in violation of Code 345 section E-W, preventing corporations from donating money to businesses to donate to political campaigns. The business in question was a candy store that was known for its lollypops and ice cream. Coal paid a fine of $50,000 dollars and has reportedly made no comment since, although our investigative reports have seen his trash full of lollypop wrappers, which mysteriously stopped after becoming head of the agency. Trump has said, “Bill Coal is a man who can get things done and he’s a guy I would trust to take care of my own kids.” Coal was last in Michigan at a farm he owned bragging about how big his cock was days before his term begins, see image below.

    He is quoted as saying “I can’t wait to have kids come over and see my cock as part of my job. I am very proud to be an American today and can’t thank the President enough for allowing me to bask in his erect oral victory. Amen.”

    Bill Coal and his cock in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    For more fun see…
    http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Sexual_innuendo

    DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT REAL DO NOT SUE ME PLEASE

    Written by Fuckface Von Clownstick

  • Satire on the Go: Bob’s Wish

    Satire on the Go: Bob’s Wish

    We are coming to you live from Belmar New Jersey with some new money making slogans, of-course profit and charity mixed together for the perfect balance.

    We have a company’s designs coming up so buckle up and put on your helmet folks it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

    Our First contender is coming to you from Charlottesville, VA, Bob Wanhana

    His idea is to use the current political climate to start a venture capital company to give people surprise visits from across the country.

    The company name is called, “Make a punch foundation”, the idea according to Bob was inspired by make a wish foundation, which help’s dying kids under 18 make a wish before they die, be aware you can age out of the program. Bob wants a new program available to people of all ages and economic backgrounds except gays. Bob is currently in the fundraising portion of his enterprise where he hopes to raise $30,000 to get things started.

    M: So Bob how are you going to get that money?

    Bob: Well M, I plan on soliciting every group I can that wants to see people punched and asking for donations to help people out there who want to be punched, but have just be down on their luck.

    M: Well how do you planning on using these funds to help those in need?

    Bob: I plan on using some of the money to help settle a case with my ex-wife, using another few thousands to light money on fire in front of poor blacks in Haiti and then paying someone to punch our first lucky winner.

    M: Now now Bob, you can’t get the audience roused up like that and not tell them who your first wish will be.

    Bob: Well M, I like to keep the people in a state of awe and finding out before it happens can really mess things up like spoiling game of thrones for a friend by telling them that everyone dies.

    M: I understand you will be listed as a non-profit so all donations are tax deductible, is that right Bob?

    Bob: That’s right, if you donate money to my foundation it’s less money going to your government to slaughter innocent people in other countries, I am all for keeping the money in the country and won’t move my company overseas.

    M: I am sure you have won the crowd on that one Bob, outsourcing is out this season. How do you feel about punching Nazi’s?

    Bob: I am not against the idea if they are on my lawn or even if small children are in my yard, I say it’s a waste of capital to punch people who might be expecting it soon. There are plenty of people out there who are more desperate and in need. Cops that rape children on duty, politicians who lie and break their promises, a banker, wealthy arms dealers, you know, all sorts of people from different backgrounds and walks of life.

    M: Well you make a compelling argument there Bob, we’re out of time will have to leave it at that, Thanks, Bob! (shakes hand).

    OurPolitics.com Where Politics&SatireMeet

  • The Man

    The Man

    He has words, not common words, but words meant to cut, cut the fabric of the soul.
    Words meant to entangle his victims in the anxiety and ego of modern life.
    The words he speaks are not common, yet spoken with passion and hate.

    The words walk on their own throughout my mind, planting seeds of infidelity in my self belief.
    My belief in self remains unscathed and yet, I can feel the words of his, slip and slide down my ear. Like pollution bleeding from a factory wall it erodes my soul like an acid.

    The word, the word is weakness, the topic, the man, the result, a short temper, a quicker reaction, a fiery hell burning the insides of my soul.
    The house may be burning down, but the foundation remains the same. The windows covered in smoke, the foundation remains the same. The floor bending from the heat, the foundation remains the same.

    And of the mighty words which weakness we do praise, another crawls out, and its here to stay. The word is alone. How long are you going to stay alone before you cut the vines of weakness, before you machete the epic failures of your masculinity away? He asks. A reply?
    Slow, methodical, violence on the self. In perpetuity.

  • TrumpCare – Developing Slogans with the Donald

    TrumpCare – Developing Slogans with the Donald

    TrumpCare- Killing poor people, was never so easy

    TrumpCare- Poor or Black? Not our problem.

    TrumpCare- Rich people stay rich and the poor get less medicine, it’s win-win folks

    TrumpCare- Fixing everything you thought was wrong with the healthcare system without doing a damn thing to address it

    TrumpCare- Taxes are too high! Give me a break!

    TrumpCare- Make America Sick Again.

    TrumpCare- T Trump, who build hotels and makes lots of money! R is for repeal- R is for replace ObamaCare!!! WHo HA! WHO HA! U is for uninsured! M is for major disaster for the sick!!Unless you’re rich like me!! P is for penalty when you’re sick, which means you go bankrupt! C is for critical which means you’ll die!Unless you are rich like me! A is for affluence which I’ll gain through Tax cuts Tax cuts! Hora! R is for Repeal and R is for Replace! E is for everyone!!Everyone getting F-U-C-K fucked! Unless you’re rich like me! 1% Hey! 1% Ho! Screwing Americans out of Healthcare lets go go go!

    Medicare For All- People Have Value

    TrumpCare would cut 800 billion to Medicaid which delivers health to millions of low-income Americans.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-TxsUDmFao

  • Ivanka Trumps SHOES!

    Ivanka Trumps SHOES!

    News Break folks, the newest fashions are in. Walking on poor people is the new style. In China, Ivanka Trump’s factory has been sighted for labor violations in a country with little labor laws. If you like poor people to suffer, expensive shoes and human misery, this brand is for you!

    Ivanka- Make America Walk Again (on poor people)

    Supplemental Readings
    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/jun/21/ivanka-trump-shoes-slated-for-production-at-china-factory-despite-brands-denial

    The U.S. Government Has Become the Ultimate Extension of Donald Trump’s For-Profit Brand


    The shoes if you like stomping on poor people
    http://www.zappos.com/p/ivanka-trump-liah-4-medium-pink-satin/product/8874792/color/53362?ef_id=V3XHhwAAAQ9QyjQo:20170623043121:s

  • Breaking News NJ Democratic Election Winner

    Breaking News NJ Democratic Election Winner

    Breaking News the Democratic Primary winner is Phil Murphy. After a long tough race, Murphy outspending all of his appoints by millions managed to skate by with an election victory. John Money-Pants Johnson was at the scene, “I thought he wasn’t going to be able to buy the election, we were really scared. But thanks to the American election system we won fair and square with millions of dollars.”

    Phil Murphy A smile that could bite your head off
    Phil Murphy a smile that could bite your head off

    Phil Murphy Wall Street Executive, Gold Man Sachs Whore, fonderly off all things money, spent 20 million dollars to win the Democratic Primary. A wallet so thick it will make your head spin and your pants fall off.
    John Money-Pants Johnson, a well-known supporter of Murphy, left with their campaign slogan going forward” Phil Murphy, Money, Power and Screwing the Public. Yes, WE can.”

    Kim Guadagno the Republican Nominee lagged far behind spending only 8 million dollars to rob her primary away from whoever else was in there.
    This year’s election seems to be the race to see who can burn as much money as possible while chanting “Fuck the Poor”. It’s going to be an interesting race folks. Murphy has an advantage with his stacks of cash being much higher.Microphones will be distributed. It’s noteworthy to say you should not underestimate the resolve of a Republican woman who is more than ready to put on a strap on and literally fuck the poor. Back to you Matt.

    http://www.njpen.com/2017-primary-election-results-no-surprises-low-turnout/ (less then 20% of NJ Registers Democrats or Republicans Voted)

    NJ Gov Race: Murphy Passes $20M in Spending


    http://www.kimfornj.com/on_the_issues
    https://www.murphy4nj.com/issues

  • The Blind Mayor

    The Blind Mayor

    By Marco Palladino 4/4/17-Creative Writing
    It was the Mayor’s first day in office after a blurry campaign, his adversaries remained like specs in the eye toward an unforeseen victory. The Mayor would start his first day in office by flirting with his secretary, who at first he had mistaken for a coat rack. He came into his office with a blindingly bright pair of blue pants. He would make it to his desk only to find that someone had un-wheeled his chair so when he sat down, it was lopsided and made him look at people bent with a goofy stare at the ceiling. He would sign his first bill with a pink pen with a little Hawaiian girl holding a ukulele on top. The Mayor was on the front page of the newspaper with the pen, the bill covered in pink ink, his intern smiling with his forearm crutches and a shirt that read I am with the fool-hearted and blind.

    The Mayor loved listening to rap music loudly in his office, specifically Biggy Smalls. When people would visit him, the music continued to play loudly because the Mayor couldn’t find the right knob to turn it down. The public works administrator would usually leave the room saying racial slurs and something or other about the niggerizing of American music. The Mayor would also play games on his interns by sneaking up on them at night when the office lights were dim. These games usually ended up with an intern having a near heart attack, falling and flapping out of their chair like a drunk baby out of a car seat. He would sometimes scare them by making growling noises and then let his dog Midget loose. Midget was a short and heavy bulldog who had a habit of gnawing on the intern’s leg, enough to rip their pants and slobber all over their new clothes. The intern with crutches would be used to fending off the dog like a David versus Goliath battle, with the dog weighing nearly double the interns’ weight. He would whack the dog repeatedly, quoting Shakespeare in the process. “All was lost, But that the heavens fought,” the intern said.

    The intern would get back at the Mayor by calling as fake people about fake problems, while making fun of his blindness. He would call with strange names like Partially Sighted and Juno No See-alot. He would call as a Republican to ask him to support Trump’s Wall, the Mayor would reply “I don’t understand why we need a wall, I can’t see it anyway.” The intern would call as a Democrat to push healthcare, he would reply “I am blind” and hang up. After a few hours of prank phone calls, the intern would begin to get some work done having kept the Mayor busy for a while. The Mayor would also ride into town with a cowboy hat on with his secretary and spend taxpayer money on lavish lunches and dinners for himself and his wife Jenifer.

    The Mayor would love to go to lunch with people in town, spending 2 to 3 hours eating and talking to the locals. He was often seen consuming large amounts of alcohol during lunch time and would ride back to the office on a two-person bike with the secretary on the front. The Mayor was known for making obscene and lewd comments toward police officers on the ride back. Sometimes he would have conversations with red fire-hydrates and insult them calling them red faced and no good. He was also caught going to cockfights downtown with illegal Mexicans. These fights are well known and the police remain unable to stop them. Often there is gambling and prostitution, it’s thought to be managed by former Nazis. How long can our City remain vigilante against crime when the mayor clearly can’t see the problem?

    Don’t let the “Blind Cowboy” bike Oklahoma City off the Cliff. Don’t let the Mayor create blind justice. Go to www.NotSeeMayor.com
    Paid for by the Women Against “The Blind Cowboy”: Mayor Thomas Gore. Sponsored by the Oklahoma Republican Party- We Need a Mayor that can see the future. Vote for John W. Harreld, A man who’s vision is impeccable.2020.

    This story is dedicated to my Grandmother: Jean T Bonanno who lived with blindness later in her life and struggled with it. December 15, 1929 – April 20, 2014.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Gore

  • Rape Jokes- Feminists Say No

    Rape Jokes- Feminists Say No

    Tackling the topic of humor is a particularly difficult area because it can be extremely subjective. A joke might be funny to one person or group of people but considered not funny to a different individual or group. Is it proper to make jokes about pain and suffering? Well yes. Many jokes in the realm of satire are explicitly mocking something or stating something that is obviously false to be funny. Without knowing it people like politicians or leader or even ordinary people can say something seriously and people can misconstrue it as a joke. An example of this was when President Donald Trump said: “No one cares about black people more than I do.” While many laugh at this because it an obvious fallacy he didn’t intend it to be a joke. Now for people who tell jokes, it is different because they set up the context to make jokes funny. George Carlin explains this very well below.

    He goes more into words themselves rather than jokes, but he makes a good point, its the context that matters. People who make jokes about racism often don’t do it to put different ethnic groups down but, in fact, to shine a light on problems in society. Historically if you look at people like (history of Satire on wiki link below) Johnathan Swift jokes about eating babies in his work “A Modest Proposal”(http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html) where he talks about killing kids and selling them for food. The work is meant to shine a light on the fact that there are children everywhere who can barely eat who often starve or face death and disease without help. The church at the time, of course, didn’t do great things advocating against condom use, but that’s a topic for another time. Sometimes jokes have little purpose(to change society) and are just funny. If you say eating children jokes are wrong (Modest Proposal) then you often put yourself in a box where you have to declare everything else immoral because its “wrong”. If a rape joke is wrong because it can encourage a culture of more rape then that’s an argument that must be defended. I don’t have a defense for it here, but when you try to change the way people talk all you end up doing is marginalizing large groups of people without fixing the root of the problem. It’s not Swifty making jokes about treating children inhumanely in his work that pushes that culture to do such, but indeed society’s lack of moral itself. If rape was absent in a society would it be moral to make a joke about it?

    Also, this seems very much like a gendered issue. A teacher of mine, need not be named, said its ok to make jokes about men getting rape but not women. That statement itself sets itself up for failure. If you’re going to make the argument about rape culture than you shoot yourself in the foot especially if you live in the United States. The United States is the only country to record more male rape than female rape in an area because of the massive prison populations we have(not entirely true link below to shed light).Male rape is never talked about and when it is not much is done about it. Why?The saying goes “MEN CAN TAKE IT”. Feminist can’t argue about female rape jokes and leave men out. Because rape in prisons still happening at high rates- population of prisoners still high and little political will to change it. But again these conversations are land minds because you will just keep getting bogged down more until you come to the conclusion a jokes a joke. It can be more, it can be less. I am not defending jokes that attack people(direct personal attacks), I am defending jokes that shine a light on issues. At the end of the day, words are just words and we shouldn’t ruffle our feather if someone makes a bad joke(or an even shittier one.

    Other Topics
    Male Rape – Look at Ancient Greeks/ Look at Military gay sex history(sailors/army…etc)
    Female Rape- Highest in Middle East/ Dress has nothing to do with the probability of rape. Machines will lower it(sex robots).
    Child Rape- Seems to be High among elites-PizzaGate/Australian Boy Sex crack down/Hard to stop men in high places.
    Sex- Church historically against condom use, which has killed many.
    Hunger- Yemen Starving, US-led, Saudi-Led, World Hunger Can be Ended, You’re to Blame

    (Disclaimer not edited, RAW)XXX

    1. Some Jokes/Satire…etc
      “Don’t Drop the Soap”
      “What the difference between a cop and a robber? Cops have badges.”
      How many cops does it take to shoot a black man? One.
      Whats the difference between bombs and healthcare? One is paid for.
      Whats the most dangerous kind of black man? A black man who can vote.
      Data extraction facility- Hand
      Data storage facility- my balls
      Why couldn’t the blind Nazi read? Because he could notsee.
      Every Heard of Ethiopian food? Neither have they?

    Famous Comedians
    Bill Hicks- Grade A
    George Carlin Grade A
    Daniel Tosh
    Anthony Jeselnik
    Rick and Morty Cartoon Grade A

    Satirical Works
    Modest Proposal Johnathan Swift
    Cannibal Cars – Mark Twain

    Sources
    http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html
    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cifamerica/2012/feb/21/us-more-men-raped-than-women
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire

  • The Flag of the Day

    The Flag of the Day

    Jingoism,Jangoism, Lingoism, Languoism
    The Flag of the Day

    The man had a flag,
    it was covered in red.
    He held it high,
    it pointed toward the sky.

    The flag has a rip,
    the flag has a tear,
    The flag was seen everywhere.

    If you see the flag,
    You should beware,
    Because if it’s on your soil,
    you it will not spare.

    Remember the fallen, the flag shall say,
    Remember the patriots, on the holy day.

    The Lord’s Day is not the Sabbath,
    The Lord’s Day is not for prayer,
    But to give praise to our god,
    The flag of the day.