Baseboards!: An Ezra Stone Story

By Ezra Stone

Arthur Kill was alone at the bar drinking his third martini when he felt a cool hand touch his shoulder. He turned and saw a girl with crimson nails and a Jesus necklace. “Come join me!” she said as she grabbed him by the hand and pulled him off the stool. They headed to the dancefloor and joined the crowd as the band performed hardcore electro-pop music. Arthur did the shopping cart as the girl shook her hips and swayed side to side in her skin tight dress. She looked memorizing under the bright flashing lights of the disco ball.

As the men swarmed around her she sensed Arthur wanted her alone so she grabbed him and pulled him aside to a table with a burning candle in the middle. She sat on one side and he sat on the other side of the round table. She grabbed his cold dry hands and looked into his eyes saying “I love you.”

“I can live without you.” Arthur said, “but I must know your name.” She grinned and said just call me “Ruth Booth.” Then she turned her head and called the passing waiter to bring two martinis. He rushed over and placed two glasses on the table. Ruth told Arthur to close his eyes as she reached into her purse. Out came a little ‘sugar’ packet. Ruth poured the powdery contains in his drink and place her olive in his. “Surprise!” She exclaimed.

Arthur opened his eyes and looked into the glass but saw nothing unusual. Curious he asked ruth what the surprise was. She replied “two olives.” Arthur looked again and noticed the second olive. “Thanks,” he said as he took a sip. Suddenly he felt faint. Ruth quickly asked if he wanted a ride home. He nodded and she grabbed him in her arms and walked him to her car.

Arthur laid down in the back of the car and told her the directions as she drove through the light rainstorm during the middle of the night. After a few wrong turns, they pulled up to his condo. She parked the car and dragged him by his feet to the door. Then she asked him if it was locked. He shook his head no and she pushed it open. She carried him in and placed him next to the radiator.“I got a surprise for you.” She said as she crept into the kitchen. Within a moment, she returned only in her red underwear. Next, she sat down next to him and rubbed her body against his. Her silky lingerie sent an electric spark that unparalyzed him.

Overjoyed with his ability to move again Arthur jumped up and banged his head against the radiator. He fell backward and lied motionless on the floor. Quickly Ruth grabbed her velvety sex cuffs and cuffed him to the radiator. Next, she slipped back into her dress and slipped outside.

In the morning, Arthur awoke from his slumber and discovered himself cuffed to the radiator. He shouted, “I knew I should’ve installed baseboards!”

The End

Transcribed 6.15.2018

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